Friday, August 13, 2010

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"

Fantasia BarrinoI like McDonald's food as well as the next person (well, maybe not as well) but what I'm not prepared to do, as was Melodi Dushane, is physically attack a McDonald's franchise employee, and a drive-up window, for no apparent reason other than that the Chicken McNugget time of day was a few hours away, and she'd have to postpone her McNugget fix:

"Melodi Dushane really, really wanted her chicken nuggets. So she wasn't loving it when a worker at the Toledo McDonald's told her they stopped serving the meal at 2:30 a.m.

In fact, she was downright mad. The 25-year-old reacted to the news by getting out of her car and throwing punches at the employee, then pounding on the glass with her elbow and then finally smashing it, according to ABC affiliate KSFN in Fresno, Calif."


Fantasia Barrino, one of my all-time favorite American Idols (I love her rendition of "Summertime," overdosed on aspirin and a sleep aid (not identified). For her, the livin' hasn't been easy. Speculation is that she did it, in part, because of an affair gone awry with a married man, one Antwaun Cook, and, in part, because of a "scandalous lawsuit."

Her manager released a statement corroborating Fantasia's recent medical crisis, and ended it with the following words:

"Fantasia will be stronger, smarter, and better for it. Her work has always inspired her and served as a source of strength. Her new album, “Back To Me,” will be released on August 24th.


"The lyrics to 'I’m Here' say it best:
'I Believe I Have Inside Of Me
Everything That I Need To Live A Bountiful Life
With All The Love Inside Of Me
I’ll Stand As Tall As The Tallest Tree
And I’m Thankful For Each Day That I’m Given
Both The Easy And The Hard Ones I’m Livin’
But Most Of All
Yes, I’m Thankful For Lovin’ Who I Really Am'

"Fantasia sends her praise to God and her eternal gratitude to her fans, friends, and family.

"God is good."


Providing the birth-date on the Internet is correct, Fantasia Barrino is either twenty-five years of age, or twenty-six.

Her age is not a factor here, only that, if she had managed to kill herself, she would have left undone years of living and experiencing--and would have left on the vine more grapes than she had consumed.

Mental illness, as many of us have observed, should not be taken lightly.

And for sufferers of mental illness, empathy is rarely fully extended, mainly, I think, because so few of us have experienced it directly ourselves.

Although familiar with physical pain, some find it hard to commiserate with those whose pain is said to be mostly mental, than physical.

Here's hoping that Fantasia will find the help she needs for her tempest-tossed life, help to guide her safely to shore.

If the Fantasia Barrino story is true--that her attempted suicide resulted because she was scorned by her married lover--then the two stories, the McNugget incident, and the Barrino suicide attempt, aren't as dissimilar as they might appear at first blush.

The common thread that runs through them both, if we were to connect the two using a needle of thought to stitch the two, is that both incidents revolve around two women seeking a satisfaction of a sort--one in pursuit of Chicken McNuggets, and the other, a man.

In both instance, each woman reacted rashly, and inappropriately. And, in both instances, things could have ended badly for the two.

All this, because their desires and their plans had been thwarted by another.

Interestingly, they both sought to resolve their dissatisfaction using diametrically opposed methods--one by attacking the hired help as though the employee was responsible for making the policy that denied her McNuggets at that time of day (satisfaction by proxy), and the other by attacking herself (results by internalizing the problem, and capitulating to what she perhaps saw as implacable forces).

In short, fight or flight.

I would never make light of another's predicament. The old saw--to walk a day in another's moccasins--is applicable here, as well as in other situations that may cross our paths occasionally--so many black cats with which to contend, and to circumnavigate.

Without judging either method (fight or flight), but merely to select a course of action that resonates, I'd take fight over flight, just as a matter of temperament.

We blacks, when faced with the ruthless, and malevolent beast of racism, have had to make these two choices throughout most of our history in this country, both collectively and individually: Should we fight, and, if so, how--directly, confrontationally, as proposed by W.E.B. Du Bois, or take flight, abide our time by preparing to fight, and becoming so fit that a fight would be averted by our very readiness, as proposed by Booker T. Washington, or head for the shores of an unfamiliar land, as intimidating as that prospect might be, as proposed by Marcus Garvey?

Both methods have their advocates, and their opponents, and both have an upside, and a downside.

Flight may bring a cessation of the pain, although not all pain should be avoided, and fight doesn't always lead to victory, especially if it's done outside the bounds of what's legal, proper, or ethical.

In short, to resist in every arena is not always to win (What you resist, persists!) and to run away is not always to escape--that which set you in flight to begin with, still remains, but now it's larger, and scarier than before.

One or the other of the two (fight or flight) predominates in our life, or they may be said to be balanced--no predisposition to either--but that one or the other may be summoned as the situation or the circumstance dictates.

I propose striving for balance, as extremism rocks the boat, unbalances the seesaw, and tips the scales, although each is welcomed to do as each chooses--and certainly will, despite my proposal.

I find that those who're in fight mode continually, are hard to work with, live with, or interact with. And, too, those in a constant state of flight generally draw our ire as well. More fittingly, it's usually best to test the waters, and place a wet finger to the air, to determine the direction of the wind, before committing oneself to one mode or the other.

If you're facing a formidable foe, or an angry lion, or a mother grizzly, 'tis better to weigh your options (if time permits), whether to "fight," or to employ "flight," as the best course of action. Life, because it's designed to be that way, will present you with ample opportunities wherewith to exercise your judgment in this regard--whether it's better to fight, or take flight--because, as is generally the case, your life, ease of mind, income, freedom, or safety, may hang in the balance.

For Mitrice Richardson, whose remains were recently found, not far from where she was last spotted, I send my prayers to her family and friends. I pray that they will find solace in the absolute knowing that life--the perfect essence of who we are--is indestructible, and is eternal, and that options and choices continue, because we are "choice" itself, and more autonomous that we know.

8 comments:

CareyCarey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CareyCarey said...

Hello Black Diaspora,

I followed you from a blog I will not mention (I don't think it's important). What caught my eye was the wisdom and insight in your words.

From what I've read of your writings, I have come to the conclusion that you probably live on an Island. I mean that in a good way... and here's why.

"Man fears nothing more terrible than to take a position that stands out sharply and clearly from the prevailing opinion. The tendency of most is to take a position that is so ambiguos that it includes everything, and so popular that it includes everyone" - Dr Martin Luther King

Black Diaspora, from what I've read, you do not possess the fear Dr King spoke of. In my opinion, you do not swim in the arms of popular opinion.

Having said that, you probably do not need pats on the back or what I like to call "stroking". However, I am compelled to throw a bit of praise your way.

Your name seems to be so appropriate. I do not how old you are but you're black and "dia+speiren" (if I may jiggle the word a bit).

Your wisdom and insight speaks to a person that has gone-through many of life's difficulty. Your opinions are filled with concrete supporting data, to such a degree that you are planting seeds of undeniable truths. I mean, your words (your opinions) speaks of a person that views issues with a very discerning eye.

More importantly, you have the writing skills and command of the English language that leaves little doubt to the positions you are taking.

You appear to have a mind of a scientist and mathematician, and a writer and a philosopher.

Yep, I can only imagine you find yourself on an island.

Now, since I am a black man (and so are you) I have to give you a nickname. So, from this day forward, you are my Black Socrates. I was thinking Aristotle, but Shaq already played that. So naw, Socrates it is.

CareyCarey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Black Diaspora said...

Welcome, CareyCarey. I don't have many followers, but the few that I do have, are loyal--yet, despite that loyalty, still feel free to speak their minds, which they often do, and I encourage.

What I remind old readers and share with new ones is this: I don't always get it right (What a dull and boring world it would be if I did!), and that it's okay if we don't always agree.

Your Truth has been hard-won and is just as valid as mine--and will be honored here.

"Having said that, you probably do not need pats on the back or what I like to call "stroking". However, I am compelled to throw a bit of praise your way."

You're right: I have no "needs." But I do have a desire from time to time, and one of those desires is that I might say something here, or abroad, that might resonate with readers--resonate strongly enough to set them on a journey, not to "discover" who they are--because that's not hidden--but to "create" who they wish to be, a latent ability we all possess.

If I'm acknowledged for setting that in motion, or in providing insight (a look within), then that's all the praise I could possibly wish for, or ever desire.

"Black Socrates" is find. I'm honored by your presence.

Blinders Off said...

BD,

One or the other of the two (fight or flight) predominates in our life, or they may be said to be balanced--no predisposition to either--but that one or the other may be summoned as the situation or the circumstance dictates.

That is why I say living with Multiple Sclerosis is like a box of chocolate. Each day is different and when I woke one day living with anxiety that caused me to experience fight or flight it was a terrible feeling to experience. I thought depression was bad, but the fight or flight feeling with anxiety is worse than depression.

I like that you post is not condemning Fantasia because none of us knows what pushed her to that point. You have read some of my post when I spoke of suicide. Drugs that I am given to slow the progression of my disease and stabilize some of my MS symptoms can cause suicide tendencies. MS depression can push me into a tunnel of mad darkness.

Therefore, I am the last person to condemn Fantasia.

To know me one would not think I was pushed to end my life once by my own hands (because of the unbearable pain I live with) and another time because of Avonex (the first disease modifying drug I was put on to slow the progression of my MS...one of the side effects was that it could cause sucide).

However, God's grace, therapy, prayer, and learning how to live with a disease that caused my life to change dramatically helped me to control and recognize when I need help. I also learned how to recognize when one of the many drugs I take is detrimental to my well-being. Most importantly, I am no longer too proud to ask for help.

I hope Fantasia gets the help she is desperately in need of because she would not have done what she did if she was not crying out for help.

GrannyStandingforTruth said...

Hey BD:

I hope you got my message.

As for the topic at hand, I feel sorry for Fantasia and pray that she will have a speedy recovery from all that she is going through. In addition, I pray the same for the wife in this incident. This reminds me of that play called, "When the Rainbow Is Not Enough" I believe I got the title right or either it was something of that nature.

Black Diaspora said...

"I like that you post is not condemning Fantasia because none of us knows what pushed her to that point."

Thanks Blinders Off for your perspective: It's one of the gifts that I receive from maintaining this blog. I learn from you and the others who come here on the regular. I said it before, and now I say it again: I'm the biggest benefactor in this dialog.

I judge rarely. I condemn only occasionally. I have been gifted with a perspective that allows me to see the "big picture." I don't often share that perspective, but it's always at the forefront of my thoughts and many of my actions.

I meant it when I said: "I would never make light of another's predicament."

Although reticent to judge or to condemn, to round out who I am and who I hope to become, I must judge and condemn some things.

But what these two ladies did in their confusion, is not one of those things.

"I thought depression was bad, but the fight or flight feeling with anxiety is worse than depression."

My heart goes out to you, and to any others struggling with a chronic condition.

Yes, Fantasia's act was a cry for help. And the other woman that lashed out--believe it or not--she, too, was crying out, but it manifested itself as an attack.

An attack is also a cry for help. Whereas Fantasia's act will readily be seen that way, the other woman's act will not necessarily be seen that way, unless it's viewed by someone with the expertise to delve below the surface of the act.

I think I've talked enough....

Black Diaspora said...

GrannyStandingforTruth said...

"Hey BD:

"I hope you got my message."

Granny, I haven't checked my e-mail in days. When I was able to use one browser for all my Internet activities, I could check it more often. I will retrieve it at the end of this response.

"As for the topic at hand, I feel sorry for Fantasia and pray that she will have a speedy recovery from all that she is going through. In addition, I pray the same for the wife in this incident."

Here's one of those perspectives of which I spoke earlier to Blinder's Off as to why I rarely judge or condemn. It's not a perspective that many will embrace, or see the value of. Most will misinterpret both the meaning, and the intent.

We often hear the saying, "but for the grace of God, go I."

I say, instead: "There go I." So any judgment I may entertain falls back upon me, and eliminates the dividing notion: There's you, and there's me, in the equation.